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Creating a strong Marriage or Partnership
Creating a strong Marriage or Partnership
The Power of Synergy
The synergy of bringing two people together should create a bond that is stronger than the sum of the whole. The two of you combining your talents, energy and physical attributes should form a powerhouse from which you can operate your life. Pulling together and not against each other is the recipe for success. Working in tandem will present a strong front to the world.
A Soft Place to Fall
One of the best parts of marriage, as Doctor Phil often says, is having a soft place to fall. When things aren’t going well in your outside world, you need to know that you can go home, which should be a haven for you, and be nurtured by your spouse. Be there for each other. Sometimes it will be one of you that need the support and cosseting and sometimes it will be the other. Be that soft place for each other.
Your spouse needs to know that whatever happens you are both committed to making the marriage work and last. You both need to constantly reiterate that commitment, comforting and reassuring each other of that promise.
When one partner starts threatening divorce or suggests something which could threaten the strength of the bond between the couple, whether they mean it or not, they create a deep insecurity in the other. There is no excuse for this, even in play, so think before you speak. Make a commitment with each other that if the marriage starts to have problems that you will both do your utmost to correct them and work towards recreating the strength of the bond between you.
Fulfilling each others’ needs
“Success in marriage consists not only in finding the right mate, but also in being the right mate” Anon
Part of marriage means being able to fulfill your partner’s needs and they yours. Not in the sense of replacing something which is missing in your partner – both should strive to be as complete in them-selves as possible, so that the qualities brought by the other person complement and increase the completeness of the couple, rather than draining one to improve the other. The idea is to not suck the life out of the other person, but for both of you to give a hundred per cent to each other.
To enable each to provide the qualities needed to maximize the completeness of the relationship, you must both make sure that you communicate your emotional and physical needs to each other in an honest way. No one is a mind reader.
There have been studies done that have listed the top five basic needs for men and for women, and the results illustrate beautifully the difference between men and women. These needs obviously differ in importance and necessity in individual couples, but knowing what they are likely to be in your spouse will give you an insight and allow you to work at fulfilling them.
|1. Active Sex Life||1. Affection|
|2. A wife who is a friend to play with||2. Conversation|
|3. An attractive wife||3. Integrity and Truthfulness|
|4. Family & Home Support||4. Monetary Support|
|5. Admiration & Respect||5. Commitment to the family|
Don’t Let the Sun go down on a quarrel
When you have a disagreement, try to resolve it in a calm way – determine that you will sit down and discuss any differences in an adult manner, listening to each other until you can arrive at an agreement that you are both happy with. If this is not possible, it is much better to reach an understanding of agreeing to disagree, rather than continuing the quarrel to the bitter end. Never go to bed without resolving your problems if at all possible, as they will fester and still not get resolved and can escalate into a full-blown fight.
Try not to argue in front of your children, as even if it doesn’t seem to affect them at the time, it has been proven that constant conflict in the home can have a huge detrimental affect on the adults they become, affecting their home life also, perpetuating the conflict or violence.
Plan Your Future Together
“Failing to plan is planning to fail!”
It is true that if you don’t plan you will never know if you have arrived, as you don’t know where you are supposed to be! A ship that leaves port without a detailed plan of its course will very likely hit rocks and sink, and that is true of our own lives also.
A good relationship is one where each is a partner to all aspects of it, and everything is shared. If you don’t take the time to sit down with each other and write down your goals for your marriage and for your family, you probably won’t know what your partner’s goals and dreams are.
Planning the future together has many advantages beyond the obvious one of having a common goal to work towards. Planning together ensures that the future vision is a planned one, which both have shared input into, and both put equal effort into achieving. Make sure your goals are exciting as well as practical, and when you both get energized to work towards them, it will add happiness to your lives and draws you closer together.
Finances As a Partnership
Marriage is a partnership in all things, including finances. In a good marriage there should be no ‘mine’ or ‘yours’, with everything ‘ours’. It is possible to have individual accounts, but all aspects of them should be open to your partner’s knowledge, as secrets in any aspect of a marriage create division, leading to a breakdown.
Work together to plan out your finances, and ensure that each knows the full financial situation, so that each is responsible. Be open with details of what savings you have, and discuss between you when to buy big-ticket items.
Working together to sort out your spending can save a lot of stress on a marriage, and can actually bring you closer together. The number one cause of divorce is money problems, which can be strain on finances or one partner being irresponsible with the family money.
The All Important Sense of Humor
A sense of humor, and enjoying a good laugh, has been proven to improve your physical health. It also improves the health of a relationship when humor and laughter is part of it.
Laughing about everyday events and finding the funny side of problems releases tension and helps you both to relax and see challenges in a different light. Not only that, but playing together, having fun, telling jokes and having family quirks that you can laugh about makes life good.
Make sure that individually you are both fun to live with, which will improve your enjoyment of each other and strengthen your marriage, whereas being negative and pessimistic makes sure that people, including your partner, avoid you and leave you to be lonely.
Keep Romance Alive
When you are courting, each of you make an effort to bring romance into the relationship, arranging special dates, bringing flowers, giving surprise gifts etc. Unfortunately, in time, the romance can disappear, replaced by apathy and laziness, and taking the other person for granted. This can lead to problems in the marriage, for instance when a husband does not feel appreciated or listened to at home, if he meets someone at work who takes an interest in him and listens to him, he seeks that attention out, which can lead to infidelity.
Don’t let romance slide when the demands of work and family threaten to overwhelm you. Make your husband or wife feel special, listen to their account of their day, make a point of hugging and kissing each other when leaving or returning, do nice things for each other, ensure that you remember anniversaries and special occasions, take flowers home for no reason, slip a note in your husband’s or wife’s lunch or briefcase.
It is a nice idea to have a weekly date with each other, especially if you have children. Make the date really special if possible, by dressing up and going somewhere nice. Try not to fall into the trap of not looking after yourself, letting your appearance and personal hygiene go. For the wife, have a good haircut and have your nails done, wear make-up, make sure you always look at your best. For the husband, bathe and shave regularly, wear a good after-shave and nice cologne. All the things you did naturally when you were courting! It’s all the pleasant little things that create a great whole for the two of you.
Keep the romance alive and you keep your marriage alive.